08 February 2009

Step Into My Hyundai: It's Business Time, Petra, Baby

“Listen to that little squirt out there, talkin’ shit, and it couldn’t mean a thing…”
-From ‘The Criminal Inside Me’ by R.L. Burnside

Mmm, MMM, it looks like Aphrodite’s kid sister took some notice of me. You see, Petra over at The Wise (*Young*) Mommy has invited me into a contest to be the new male half of “HeBlogs/SheBlogs”, the weekly column she runs on her blog. For personal reasons, the handsome and talented Heinous at Irregularly Periodic Ruminations has to take a leave of absence, and Petra, well, she doesn’t want to be alone, youknowwhutImsane? WHICH SHE WON'T BE BECAUSE OF HER STUNNINGLY HANDSOME, ULTRA-VIRILE HUSBAND.

So naturally, she thought of me. So handsome, so virile, knows his way around a keyboard. HehHeh. Now, I know when you click on the link to her blog you’ll see that my name isn’t on the original list of whipping boys, er, contestants. I was a little worried myself, until I saw the e-mail from her in my inbox, saying “Drop what yer doin’ get down upon yer knees, I’ve a message for you, that ya better believe.” Well, what would you have done? Yeah, that’s what I thought. It was then I understood what was going on. HehHeh.

I know what you’re trying to say, baby. You’re trying to say, ooh yeah, it’s business time.” Business time, indeed. Petra, I know what you were really doing. You didn’t want to put me in the list right away, because you didn’t want to scare off the other fellows, yeah. That’s it. No, no, I’m not insulted, you were just playing nice. And I’ve seen your picture; you’re all kinds of nice, darlin’. And you need “contestants” if you want to call it a “contest”, yeah, I know what you are trying to say. What’s that? A list? Okay, if I must. Oh, I get it. I should list the other “guys” to show all the ladies who the king really is, yeah; they’ll be the white gold setting to my “crown jewels”, uh, huh. Alright, the gentleman that I am never fails to please his lady. The eunuchs, er, strapping lads who have also been “invited” are:

Ron at Clark Kent’s Lunchbox (entry post on Thursday, February 12th)
Ryan at Pacing the Panic Room (entry post on Thursday, February 12th)
IB from Idiot’s Stew (entry post on Tuesday, February 10th)
Chad ‘Captain Dumbass’ from Us and Them (entry post on Wednesday, February 11th)
Matt from DC Urban Dad (entry post on Wednesday, February 11th)
Joe from Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars (entry post on Tuesday, February 10th)
Christopher from Cajoh (entry post on Monday, February 9th)

I’m all about the fairness, ladies, so there they are. Feel free to humiliate, er, visit them, let them know they are nice, pretty lads and all, but that you’ve tasted of the Emerald Isle and no other gumbo will do!

Petra, you aren’t known as ‘Wise’ for nothing. It may be part of your last name, baby, but it means wisdom, too. That’s cool. And thank you, so very much for letting me in, you know? It was cold out there on the lawn all night, trying to hide from the cops. But now that I’m here, let’s stop playin’ games, it’s….business time.

Kidding aside, I am very flattered and delighted to have been asked to participate. Heinous has left us all a big hill to climb, AND BY HILL I IN NO GUISE MEANT PETRA, AT ALL, and we all wish him blessings and luck as he takes care of his personal matters. Along with Heinous, and all of the fellows listed above, I am proud to be in some excellent writerly company indeed. Petra will be posting two entries a day (mine is Monday, tomorrow) through Thursday, eight in all, with voting beginning Thursday evening. Please visit with Petra, read all the entries, and VOTE. The decision, I think, will be difficult to make. These guys are good. Thank you!


  1. I love that "Business Time" song. The first time I saw it I almost wet my pants laughing. He is so frikkin funny.

  2. Flight of the Conchords are all kinds of awesome.

    But beware, sir Irish Gumbo, cause my husband reads these blogs. You don't want to piss him off because he gets final veto power on EVERYTHING. You might want to include something next time about my ultra virile, handsome husband to get on his good side ;)

  3. Dude. Did you just refer to Petra as a "big hill?" HA! Thanks for taking yourself out before its even started. Sucka!

  4. Janie: Good to hear! About wacthing and voting, I mean. Not wetting your pants.

    Petra: I hear and I have obeyed, O wise one. :)

    Captain: Oh, dear, desperation rears its ugly head...taken care of, my friend ;)

  5. Cry HAVOC!!!, and let slip the Dogs of War.

  6. Gumbo, Gumbo. *shakes head* I was just trying to save you from an Angry (*young*) Husband beating and this is the thanks I get? That hurts, brother, right there.

    *fist to the heart*

  7. I'll look forward to seeing what the other, um, contestants have to say. It sounds interesting...

  8. You are so going to kick ass and take names.... they got nuttin' on you. YOU are the wicked pissa Gumby. They? They are insignificant... much like fleas on a camel's back..
    Oh, and I'd vote for you just because the crotchety old man yelling at cars isn't a Springsteen fan. How could someone not be a Springsteen fan? I just don't get it...

  9. I'm all over it! Love all the nominees, but you know me, I'm like that guy from Illinois with the hair--I'm not giving that shit away for free--bribe me!


  10. cIII: "That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
    With carrion men, groaning for burial." RIGHT ON, BRO! The "...dogs of war..." phrase is one of my all time favorite phrases EVER WRITTEN in the English language! (hand smites chest)

    Captain: A thousand pardons, good sir. The fury of the hunt hast left my brain overheated. I am humbled by your concern!

    BMA:Interesting, indeed.:)

    Kathy: Oh, snap! Good to know the Bahston Irish have my back! Thank you!

  11. I'll be voting! By the way, I am a R.L Burnside freakazoid! When I was a high school prinicpal, I would play Burnside over the intercom to fire up the football team! None of the kids or faculty were familiar with Burnside, but they were by the end of the year! Bet them miss R.L. and me!


  12. Marinka: Whatchoo need, baby? Like I told Petra in her comments:

    "I also have a windfall of cash from a shipment of chocolate (I kept the best) that I double bartered for a stepvan full of Chateauneuf du Pape and a crateful of something called the "Thai Rabbits - requires batteries"

    Will that work? :)

  13. Oh no. I already told Ryan he's fit to replace Heinous, but you're in the race too!

    I have a suggestion: why don't you guys all get together and do your own thing. Because this bloggy battle has been very interesting to watch!

  14. I'm with Bella. I am sad to see this little battle end.

    You and Captain Dumbass need to do something together.

  15. It's business time. LMAO!!! Love it!

    I can't wait for this competition to begin. I will vote!

    Good luck, Irish!

  16. Good luck in the competition. Start reasding when I saw you also teamed up on Hot Dads.

  17. Ooooo - a list of men and an invitation to humiliate them!

    *slaps on black latex catsuit and whips out, er, whip*

    I'm on it!

  18. I look forward to voting almost as much as I look forward to reading all the entries.. it will be a good contest for sure.

    I wish you luck, friend.. I know you won't disappoint.. you never do. ;)

  19. Flight of the Conchords and Beck?
    OK, I'll vote.

  20. HOw exciting, I'll go have some visits to the blogs I don't know yet! (you all know I am quite new around here) LOL, great description of how it all came to be, and I SO have to say, I LOVE that FOC video, Business, Time, one of my all time favs!

  21. Why does it seem like whenever I tell EVERYONE I know about something (flight of the concords), it always seems like it catches on like TWO YEARS LATER, but nobody will watch it when I say to watch it.

  22. Wanted to come up with something cool and unique about contests but my brain is not working properly tonight. How about will read entries?

  23. You mean, something other than work to look forward to? Hells, yeah!

  24. Sweet. I love a good asswhooping. Luck of the Irish to you.

  25. You've got my vote. Now how do I vote?

  26. hmmm who do I vote for, so many choices, and what would the captain say if his own sister didn't vote for him......whatever he was mean to me as a child!

  27. yes, but are you wearing your business socks?

  28. that's gonna be fun. I'm off to vote

  29. "Business hours are over, baby"

    My favourite of theirs.

  30. You guys have put me in a difficult position. I have loyalty to the Captain, I'm enamoured of Ryan and then there's you. Whom I owe so much.

    What's a girl to do?


"Let your laws come undone
Don't suffer your crimes
Let the love in your heart take control..."

-'The Hair Song', by Black Mountain

Tell me what is in your heart...