09 August 2011

Dog Days of the Soul

I once was possessed of the notion that I was a tough guy.  Not in the sense of looking to get into fights, or crush beer cans on my forehead or any such nonsense.  I thought I was tough that I could take anything the universe could throw at me.  It was a conceit that sustained me for quite a long time in my life.  The shame of it is that it was simply not true.  The universe, as only it can, disabused me of that notion in a manner most violent, then kicked me while I was struggling to stand up.

My Big Bro has been gone two years now.  I thought of him today, and realized what it was that had been nagging me a little since mid-July.

Remembering him reminded me that, really, I'm not as tough as I like to think.

Remembering him reminds me that I am human, as was he.  Beautiful, sad, flawed but ultimately worthy of love.  

This is a gift worth far more than being a tough guy.  I remember you, my brother, and rejoice in being human.
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9 comments:

  1. thormooAugust 9, 2011 at 6:07 AM

    Thank you for this. I need to be reminded as well that I too am not as tough or "unaffected" as I wanted to believe I was. Life and living had it's very own special way of bringing me more into line with reality...

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  2. AnonymousAugust 9, 2011 at 8:03 AM

    These things have a way of sneaking up on you. Also, being tough is tedious. Bending and graceful and humble, so much better.

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  3. LeslieAugust 9, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    I like you untough.

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  4. Karen HarringtonAugust 9, 2011 at 11:33 AM

    Poetic and bittersweet, and yet, so universal. I had that same kind of feeling not long ago and then looked on the calendar and saw that it was the date my mother had died. These things do sneak up on us.

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  5. That gentleman's ladyAugust 9, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    I think you could take much of what the universe throws at you, just not alone.

    Life's so much better with two (or more) and this world is definitely way too big for one.

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  6. myoldmanAugust 9, 2011 at 9:27 PM

    If you were here I would try to give you a Big Bro hug,Iknow it would not be the same but I would I would give it a good effort.Love ya the oldman

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  7. wendrynAugust 9, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    *hugs*

    Every once in a while it just reaches up and smacks you, doesn't it? Does me, anyway. I'd like to be tough, but it's just not going to happen. Ah well. Life continues to be interesting and, at times, beautiful. I hope you find the beauty.

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  8. roxylsmith33August 9, 2011 at 10:45 PM

    Hi!My name is Roxy.I recently lost my Grandfather,who was a pretty tough guy also.He raised me to be pretty tough myself.Anyway,I just wanted to thank you for reminding me that it is ok to be human. Ps.Sorry for your lose

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  9. roxylsmith33August 9, 2011 at 10:48 PM

    Oh!I thought what you said about your brother was sweet!

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"Let your laws come undone
Don't suffer your crimes
Let the love in your heart take control..."

-'The Hair Song', by Black Mountain

Tell me what is in your heart...