17 July 2010

On The Floor of the Precious Commodities Exchange

She sat there, across the table, with that heart-stopping smile outlined in a ragged smear of chocolate ice cream. She was giggling at the same time, and there is no defense against that combination. I was lost.

Not the lost I usually feel nowadays, that fellintoadeepdarkhole kind of lost. No, let's not talk about it.

The lost I was feeling was more like ambling through wildflowers in the park on a bright, breezy day. A day with no agenda. A day with no real demands on my time. A day where I could feel free to not think and give myself up to love. Her smile and her laugh can do that, you know. She is a superhero in that regard.

I sat in my chair, blueberry ice cream settling in my belly. The ice cream had been laced with flakes of dark chocolate. Quite tasty on a warm summer eve. Watching her spoon up her chocolate ice cream, feeling the breeze in my hair, I was blessed with a feeling of grace. It was a reprieve from anxiety and fear. The antidote was right there on front of me, complete with that silver bell laugh and rose window eyes.

I would give a lot to be able to bottle that feeling, or turn it into something like incense. Or maybe a Glade plug in. One striking feature of that moment was not that I had been suddenly overwhelmed with happiness. There were no golden shafts of light, no choirs of angels. None were necessary. I had something perhaps more important than blatant happiness. I was content.

If contentedness were a commodity it would be at the top of my own personal precious metals exchange. The stock ticker would read CTNT and I'd have market feeds sent directly to my personal phone.

Not that such a thing exists, and it shouldn't. This feeling is a currency all its own, minted only by our hearts and backed up by our full credit and faith that things do go right and feel good all by themselves...as long as we let them.

I sat in that chair across from my Wee Lass, full of her grace and blueberry ice cream, and gave thanks for them both. It felt good.

This post was inspired by two very different sources: my daughter and the ever-intriguing Adam P. Knave, perpetrator of Stop Motion Verbosity and other assorted hijinks associated with the written word. Why? you may ask. Well, hearing my daughter laugh and reading Adam's post "Accentuate The Positive" pretty much knocked me into a new orbit tonight. A higher orbit, and one to be shared.

12 comments:

  1. Glade Plug in, you slay me :)

    Proud of you, dawg.
    So dang proud of you.

    Peace ~ Rene

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  2. I advise you to try Cherry Chocolate Chip, by Edys, if it's available in your area. It is mildly addictive. And goes well with small endearing children.

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  3. There's nothing like the giggle of a little girl to pull you out of the doldrums. I hope she does it often, and one day, you'll find yourself smiling all on your own. Trust me on this. :)

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  4. I dunno who Mr. Adam over there is, but I like him a lot. :) (And you too, of course, but that's a given...heh)

    Tradition suggests that naming a thing gives it power. All caveats about 'authenticity' and the value of venting in place, this is kinda why I transitioned from LiveJournal to Flickr a few years back; my blogging was turning into a litany of tiny disasters.

    So I started carrying a camera everywhere, and recording what I saw - and reminding myself that there's beauty literally everywhere... even in ruins. Seems you're doing the same, yes? :)

    I esp. loved the title of Mr. Adam's post, b/c hear that song - 'Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative' - in my head all too often. When it became a regular earworm, I hunted it down... and now I have two different recordings of it in my iTunes: Bing Crosby and Dr. John.

    Content is very very good. It's easier to trust than 'happy', because real joy tends to be fleeting. Content sticks around longer. Watching your kid eat ice cream is a pretty stable formula for it, too... I think you can count on that not changing. (Ben and I (still) make a habit of Coldstone... :)

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  5. If there is one sound in this world I can listen to constantly, it is the genuine laughter of a little girl. There's something so freeing about how it sounds...

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  6. A little one laughing is the best. Thanks for the link over to that post. Needed to read it.

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  7. Thank you for this. Every little bit of joy helps right now. I think contentment is a good word - not bands of angels or huge amazing things, just a moment of peace and happiness. Children laughing is one of those good things. Sometimes it's hard to notice the better parts of life, but good when you can see them.

    You're on my reader now. I like the way you write, through contentment and the harder parts. Thank you for reading & commenting in turn.

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  8. Ah-ha! That's what I'm missing. Contentment. More elusive than happiness.

    I'd buy a whole lifetime's worth of contentment in a Glade plug-in. Even if it wasn't on sale.

    Glad you're feeling better.

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  9. "The lost I was feeling was more like ambling through wildflowers in the park on a bright, breezy day. A day with no agenda. A day with no real demands on my time."

    THAT is a perfect day and a perfect way to describe it.

    Awesome,
    jj

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  10. Love your imagery. To think of a feeling as a scent— way to go. Now I gotta find out where to get one of those.

    Thanks for sharing,

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  11. I would love to bottle the scent of my son when he comes inside from a day of being outside. He's all sun and sweat and little boy. It's a beautiful smell of happiness. I'm wishing I could bottle it and pull it out during these days when I need it most.

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  12. It is a wonderful love that you have for her. Sadly enough, a friend was killed this week and has left his 11 year old behind. They were best friends. This post reminds me of their closeness that is now no more in this life.

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"Let your laws come undone
Don't suffer your crimes
Let the love in your heart take control..."


-'The Hair Song', by Black Mountain

Tell me what is in your heart...