27 December 2009

On Not Being A Wolf

I have lived among the wolves, not as a wolf, but in their midst. At times, especially when I was a younger man, I thought myself a wolf. I enjoyed the camaraderie, the pleasure of the hunt, the communal howl at the moon.

But I was never a wolf, myself. My heart was always uneasy at the prospect of the kill.

As I grew older and perhaps wiser, and definitely slower the look in the eyes of my fellow lupine brothers turned from one of brotherhood to one of hunger. I was too absorbed in the maintenance of life to notice. One day, I turned my head to see the pack had disappeared from behind me...only to be seized violently by the throat before I could turn my head to the front.

I fought hard, fought with desperate energy born of sudden fear. I fought dirty. I fought ugly.

I became the animal I pretended I never was, all for the sake of survival. I became sick at the realization of the things I would do...to live.

Some have labeled me overly sensitive, some have mistaken my reluctance to engage for weakness. This I cannot control. I will not let that dictate my life choices, and the error will lie with them.

I run from the wolves not from fear for my life; I know I can survive contact with the pack, I have done so on many occasions.

No, I run from the wolves because I no longer want to be in the pack. I no longer desire to be the animal they need me to be. I respect the wolves for what they are...and in turn, I expect them to return the favor. In the meantime, I run, howling for myself and no others...


  1. And I wonder, does your howl greet them or warn them away? You may need them some day. Will they defend you or be circling you with the other predators?

  2. Good for you! Do what you have to do to be true to yourself. So many people don't do that.

    Emotions are a funny thing and we all have our own way of dealing with them.

  3. very good
    and thats all i have to say about that.

  4. After Christmas sales are a bitch!

    Seriously, well done...and too true

    Peace ~ Rene

  5. I carry wolf bane these days. As a single woman, it helps keep the dogs at bay. I figure I'll recognize the right canine for me when I can see past his teeth, into his heart. Till then, nice to know there are pack leaders in the field that we can look up to.

  6. howl to your own music my man

    oldman irish

  7. oh but you are fierce in your own right


"Let your laws come undone
Don't suffer your crimes
Let the love in your heart take control..."

-'The Hair Song', by Black Mountain

Tell me what is in your heart...