Let me state up front that never in my life have I wanted to be a template, nor did I realize that I could be a template. That is, until now.
I have read in more than one place, and have heard from more than one source, that I as the father will be the template by which my darling Wee Lass will form her opinions thereby and make judgments thereupon, on the all the male figures in her life that are destined to come after me.
Whee. Lucky me.
I don't say that because I wish to shirk my duties or responsibilities as a father who loves his daughter more than can be described in words. Far from it. What it does do is make me very nervous. I flashed on it tonight, after an episode of whining from Her Majesty that left me gritting my teeth and in less than good temper. It left me feeling bad, too.
My time with her is precious, because, well, life is precious and when it is constrained by arbitrary boundaries such as the ones that leave us at seeing each other far less rather than far more, it becomes all the more crucial to enjoy every minute. It is imperative to not waste the resource.
So that is where I found myself, irritated and impatient at running smack dab into the semi-structured illogical, non-cause and effect universe of the six-year old girl-child mind. Kids know how to push buttons, and mine were being hammered. For every decibel my voice began to creep up, I felt my self-respect starting to go down. I'm an adult, I should be able to handle this with no problem.
I can only hope that Wee Lass does know I love her, even when I'm being a cantankerous ijit. I hope I can set a high and good bar, so that she knows enough in the future to only give her heart to a man who knows just how lucky he is to receive it. A man who will treat her with respect and with love to the ends of the earth.
A man that knows, no matter how she can wind him up...he is fortunate that it is he whom she is winding up.
22 August 2010
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it isn't as important that you enjoy every moment, as that you are present and real in every moment
ReplyDeleteOh brother, I feel your pain. Though more the cantankerous ijit than father of a daughter bit.
ReplyDeletePart of being a parent is being frustrated and irritated with our kids at times. It teaches them there are reactions and consequences to their behavior and that's a very important life lesson. They also learn we are real, and fallible, and know how to apologize when we're wrong. All good lessons .... I'm sure you're a fantastic dad and great role model of the type of men she'll eventually allow into her life.
ReplyDeleteI've read you for a long time, my dear .. I'm sure Wee Lass knows that she is truly loved -- and that will make a difference in the type of men she looks for later in life. Make her feel loved, safe and secure and she will look for a man that makes her feel the same way.
ReplyDeleteShe knows, and she'll continue to know, because she just has that kind of dad. A template kind of guy who sets the bar as high as it needs to be, real and imperfect, loving, lovable and trustworthy. Not so high that the right man who would love her one day would never be good enough. You'll be fine, Irish.
ReplyDeleteno worries. She will only, always and forever, remember the good. xoxox
ReplyDeleteShe's just giving you fire, bro!
ReplyDeleteYou are a good Daddy :)
She needs boundaries, and although she rebels against them, she loves you more than anything.
Trust me.
Rene
Tonight I got a "Love you, dad" from both little Odds. As I replied, "Love you sweetie" and "Love you bud", I was reminded how lucky I am. There are days where I don't win points for Father-of-the-Year, but somehow my kids have learned to love me, even when they drive me nuts, or I, in turn, drive them crazy. Her Majesty is well served, even on the down days! Maybe more so on those tough days.
ReplyDeleteLet me share with you just a little bit here...a little girl always loves her daddy no matter what, unless he is a horrific monster which we all know you are not. You are a kind loving dad and that? Is going to shine through loud and clear, I speak from experience Gumbo.
ReplyDeleteMine's twenty-six, and she took the best and the worst from the template, left the rest in a box somewhere in her closet. But through it all, she knows that I love her. It's the only "right" thing I could control.
ReplyDeleteI read this on a day when I am highly aware that today I have failed the 'fun mum' test. I'm working on the theory that six year olds are like goldfish and each day starts afresh. Tomorrow we'll both do better.
ReplyDelete