It's a slow night here in the republic of Gumbolia, and by that I mean I'm feeling slow. Another 11-hour workday, and if I were a lady my name would be Erasmus B. Draggin.
I'm tired, and a little ground up. Life and work have been rather stressful lately, and I reached a point where I felt like I didn't want to write anything, because I didn't think I had anything worth sharing. Too many disappointments do not a jolly fellow make.
I was even considering packing up the blog and calling it quits. For me, now? That's like saying I don't feel like eating. Because when I don't feel like eating? That means something is very wrong.
The problem is, this writing imp has its claws in me deep. Even when I swear I won't write or don't need to write...I always find myself writing something anyway. Every. Damn. Day.
Too bad its mostly disjointed episodes and random spasms of my overheated conscious and subconscious. I have yet to find the thread, the true thread, to tie it all together. This is my life in a nutshell. It's like that lyric in the new Bright Eyes song, where Conor Oberst sings "My life is an inside joke, and no one will explain it to me...". Yep, he nailed it.
Someone, please explain it to me.
So, in that tradition, I'll close with something semi-random, another thought on my "Temple" post from earlier this week. I found the comments delightful and intriguing, and I thought everyone should know the genesis of the post. I was inspired by some passages I had just read in the Bhagavad-gita*, regarding attachment and anxieties associated thereto. The exchanges between Lord Krishna and Arjuna were fascinating to me, and in turned inspired the statement by the student. That I used the term "God" when referring to the supreme being is a product of my upbringing in a Christian faith; we tend to fall back on what we know. However, the use of God was a stand-in for the divine, no matter what faith. I could have just as easily said Yhwh, Allah, Krishna, as I wasn't going for a specific faith. Indeed, in the Bhagavad-gita, the form of address for Krishna changes from time to time, albeit as different names for the same being.
Be that as it may, I thought it was an interesting take on an age-old question. Think, think, think...
*The version in question is "The Bhagavad-gita: As It Is" presented by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. I was directed to this, and received a copy through, the kind efforts and generous spirit of Braja Sorensen, whom many of you are familiar with through 'Lost and Found in India'. I started reading it last year, got distracted and set it aside until the beginning of March this year. I had begun re-reading "Walden" by Thoreau, and in it he mentions having himself read the Bhagavad-gita, which in turn reminded me that I had it on my bookshelf. And so the great wheel turns...
07 April 2011
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"this writing imp has its claws in me deep" - you are a writer. We write to interpret the world, to make sense of it. Sometimes what we write sucks. A fair bit of what I write never gets published because it doesn't work when read by someone not inside my head, if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteJust write. I will read whatever spills onto these pages. I'm sure others will, too. I find that writing often clarifies matters and I end up with an explanation, or at least more comfortable with my confusion, just from writing it out. There may not be a thread, or at least not one identifiable until you've worked further into whatever pattern you are creating. I'm glad you decided not to quit.
Just my two cents.
Oh, and are your lawyers Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe? :P
If you ever quit, ever, ever stop writing I will hunt you down like a diaper wearin' astronaut.
ReplyDeleteyeah.
Rene is too funny!! Don't you dare hang up your blog.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been writing, but then I have the need to. My last post is both reason I haven't been posting and evidence of need to (the therapeutic part, at least) (ha).
press on.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...someone mentioned that book to me too. And yes, it is on my iPad and I have started to read it...if only a tiny bit.
ReplyDeleteAs for the 'splaining...don't you figure you're just practicing for the big grand idea. Like wee ones when they are learning to be mobile. Sometimes, you don't have a clue what they're up to and then one day...POW...it turns into movement. You've got the talent, and it will come.