16 June 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts Takes It In The Nards

Groooooan! Urffff. Arrrggghhh. Like a fastball to the junk, it’s time for Randomness once again, dear readers! Grab a button and an ice pack and hobble with me!

FIRST, A REDIRECTION: Ladies and gentlemen, as I mentioned yesterday in a hasty post (post haste?) I had been honored by a request to guest post later this week, but things went awry and I was asked to fill in on today's post over at cookAppeal. Stop on by and have a big bowl o' gumbo and other goodness, tell Chef E I sent you!

PIECE O’ CRAP ON WHEELS: Why is it the amount of bling on do-it-your-self “StreetCarz” seems to be in proportion to the crappiness (i.e. LOUDNESS) of the exhaust system? What, you can spend who knows how much money on Day-glo wiper blade covers, a “car bra”, and a useless spoiler, but you can’t buy a decent muffler? Trust me, jackass, you aren’t as cool as you think you are just because your car sounds like an elephant farting inside a culvert pipe. The only person I ever admired who had a loud exhaust was my sainted maternal grandmother, and that’s because a blue-haired tough broad driving a bright red Ford Fairlane 500 tricked out with a glass-pack Cherry Bomb muffler is WAY cooler than some dumbass gangsta wanna-be…

CUISINE DE LA JUNQUE: I know it’s really bad for me, but there is something liberating about scarfing down half a big bag of Doritos, while standing in the kitchen in your boxers. It would only be better if there was salsa. Mmm, come to the trough with me…

YOU ARE PART OF THE REBEL ALLIANCE AND A TRAITOR: I have on my bookshelf and old edition of “The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” by Edward Gibbon. Randomly selected, I came across this gem: “When facing a revolt in the provinces, the response must be swift, brutal and efficient”. I feel the same way sometimes when I get indigestion. Down that GI tract, can’t trust it, always acting up and plotting against me…

TO COVERLETS AND BEYOND!: The coupon said Bed, Bath & Beyond. How exciting! My imagination soared, I could feel myself drawn to distant lands, exotic ports of call, sailing the seven seas…and then I realized that all I really needed was a folding step ladder and maybe some hangers for my closet. Sigh. Back to reality, I guess…But then the question occurred to me: when they say “Bed, Bath & Beyond” what does that mean? Beyond what?

IT REALLY IS A HAPPY HOUR: Who knew that such a thing existed?:

Wonder what the happy hour is like…

LIFE WOULD BE SO DIFFERENT IF THIS WAS MY NAME: Consider the word “banjo”. Go on, consider it. Would it or would it not make a really cool name for something besides the musical instrument? Maybe I should have named my daughter banjo. No, no, that’s just silly isn’t it? I mean, come on, “Banjo” is really a BOY’S name. And I know I mentioned a banjo in last week’s randomness, but I just couldn’t get the word out of my head.

“Hi, there. Name’s Banjo. Banjo Fitzsimmons, pleased to meet you!”…

IF YOU MUSK: I find it fascinating that one of the primary ingredients in old-style, high quality perfumes was or is musk. A substance that can be collected from the anal glands of civet cats or musk deer. Imagine that. Nothing says “Hey, I am aromatically attractive, please sleep with me!” like the butt juice from poor, unsuspecting animals. I also wonder, who first gave this a try, and how did they decide they were going to ‘harvest’ the substance? I’m not gonna do it, you do it…Ewww…

Whew. Okay, the room won’t stop spinning, I’m going to go lay down now. Happy Random Tuesday, one and all!


  1. HATE the "tuners" its like a spoiler? really? Having trouble keeping the front end down on your 2004 Civic?

  2. I find it amusing that you followed your brag about eating Doritos in your boxers with a mention of your traitorous GI tract. Hmmmm.

    Beyond? The kitchen. In fact, for me there is barely a Bed and Bath - it's all about the Beyond Kitchen for me. I've spent an absurd amount of money in that place.

    I dunno - Gumbo Banjo works for me!

  3. That's it, I'm changing my name to Banjo Fitzsimmons (well, that or Tarquin Wonderstorm)

  4. And now I'm craving Doritos and salsa. That DOES sound good. Have you tried the nacho cheese with hummus? Oh, mah, GAWD!

  5. Oh goodness gracious. You have the best random posts. I'm sneaking reading at school and I totally need this kind of silliness right now.

    Thanks Gumby, er, Banjo...

  6. Hit me hit me hit me, oh okay I am here...Pickle Bar, now that is too funny...some people take their pickles tooooooooo seriously...saw frozen ones on food tv last night...maybe there is a message here, hmmm...and food does not even come to my mind...

  7. Have you tried the jalapeno poppers Doritos? Yum.

  8. The picture of the dog with the toys? OMG - precious!

  9. Whale blubber is my favorite ingredient.

  10. Cool Ranch Doritos with M&Ms...
    Don't know it til you try it!!! :)

  11. Gibbons, Lego Stormtroopers? You, sir, are all that.

    I know you secretly want a rice rocket, though.

  12. Yes..I've often wondered about that "Beyond" concept of Bed, Bath and Beyond. What and where is it?

    And the Gangsta wannabes...so lame! (Love the bad-ass grams though!)

    Nacho Cheese Doritos...MMMMMM....need to nosh on some right now!!!!! (pms ya know.)

    Worlds Largest...Pickle Bar??? hehehehe...ain't gonna go there! ;)

    ew..ew...and to think..I USED to like a musky smell......

    Love you IG!!!!

  13. I remember that awful musk perfume that women wore. It was way heavy stuff. I don't think that dogs and cats are in danger of having their anal gland excreta used in perfumes though. Thank Goodness.

  14. i am from australia, my name is Banjo Fitzsimon... close!


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Don't suffer your crimes
Let the love in your heart take control..."

-'The Hair Song', by Black Mountain

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