Me and Big Bro, circa 1984
I was browsing some '80's and '90's music files tonight and I could not help but think of my brother. The music led me to some pictures, specifically the one above. It's a Polaroid, and my parents have the original. I never used to get sentimental over old pictures, especially ones of myself, but things are different now. As far as I'm concerned, that picture up there needs to be archived in a museum-quality case, suitable for framing.
I am struck particularly by our expressions. Mine was showing a lot more self-assurance (youthful arrogance?) than I really possessed, and Big Bro? Well, he was the shizznit, as that expression says it all. He certainly could pull off the Look. It gained in strength when he had a guitar in his hands, something I could not (and still can't) do.
I think that picture was taken at a time when I was beginning to feel I had any confidence at all of dealing with the world, out of high school and on my way to college. It was a time I felt like I was right, even when I wasn't. Untested youth has a way of doing that to a person.
I'm glad I didn't know then, what I know now. I see this picture, and I cannot help but marvel at the power we didn't know we possessed. Me and my Big Bro against the world, two saplings as yet unbent by the storms of life...the hurricane that took him down struck much too early. The one that might take me, well, I hope its a long way off.
Until then, I'll think of him, and sink my roots deeper into the soil.
The following link (to myspace.com) is to a song by The Jesus and Mary Chain, that came out in 1989, which is kind of the cap on what I think of as my first (hopefully) Golden Age. I listen, and I wish I could have sung this live with my brother on guitar. I know he would have liked that.