03 August 2011

It's Making Me Wait, But I Wait Serenely

"How long, how long
Until anything sets me on fire
How long, how long
Until I know
Possession from desire"*
To sit at the table and gaze into the pearly north light, this is ambition enough for the end of a long day.  Dinner is over, the milk-glass plate a fitting bier to the remains of yet another sandwich downed.  The pickle is a fading memory with only a solitary cucumber seed stuck to the napkin to mark its passing.  It occurs to me that sandwiches, in my day-to-day existence, now carry a faint air of sadness about them.  Even the good ones, like the BLT that marked this night's sacrificial victim, taste slightly of melancholy.  Perhaps this is because I eat so many of them, dictated by necessity and circumstance.

Bah.  I shake the feeling off.  It will not serve me well to pity myself my choice of victuals.  Instead, I lean back in the chair, hands laced across the full belly, and consider my true station in life.  Stuff and things are keeping me busy, some godd and some not-so-good, but mostly good.  I am experiencing a stability and a general contentment that had been eluding me in the past year.  Dare I say, things are on the uptick.

The words of Jeffrey Foucault, the opener to this humble rambling that I offer to you, dear ones, have been echoing in my head frequently in the past month.  As I sat at the table this evening, practicing the 'no-mind' of Buddhism as best I could, those words positively swirled through my brain.  It is an excellent question, Jeffrey asked, one that I had not been able to answer for myself in years.

The sky dimmed, blue-silver fading into pewter and blue lead.  Crickets thrummed counterpoint to the muffled rumbles of distant motorcycles.  Stars began to peer dimly down at me through the slats of my windows.  They smiled, and sang, and the answer began to gather form.

Possession from desire?  The taste of it is mist on my tongue...it is close, so close.  I sit patiently and wait, knowing it will come to me.  The stars tell me so.

Italicized passage from 'Buckshot Moon' by Jeffrey Foucault


  1. Does quantum theory help you determine how long? That's probably some pretty difficult ciphering.

  2. Oh...and as for waiting...sing along with me, a little Carly Simon:

    Anticipation, Anticipation
    Is making me late
    Is keeping me waiting

    Why yes, I am evil. Why do you ask?

  3. This is the way I feel about my weekly 'hot and sour' rice noodle bowl...sandwiches are waa-ay to sad for me bro. I keep hoping the 'hot' will jump start my day, and its usually about 2 PM by then...always enjoy your daily gumbo's...

  4. Funny you mention it, I have been eluding sandwiches too, with a sort of disdain. I'll feed it to the kids, but I usually opt for the meat and cheese and leave the bread for another time.

  5. P.S. This is statikradio. I don't know why I can't get an avatar to show up on your comments section. Perhaps blogger doesn't care for wordpress peeps.

  6. If serenity and patience are a part of your waiting, then you are a good way ahead of many.

    Even me.

  7. i must agree with gm's lady, learning to wait patiently and with serenity is a goal i hold for myself. Because we all play waiting games for our various desires,learning to endure with joy is a testament to the caliber of man.


"Let your laws come undone
Don't suffer your crimes
Let the love in your heart take control..."

-'The Hair Song', by Black Mountain

Tell me what is in your heart...