So you may have guessed by now, I haven't felt much like writing lately. A few random bursts here in October, plus some handwritten stuff in my little black notebooks (for me, not thee, at this time) and in a new journal I'm keeping. The streak is over, too, last entry for my More Than A Year Of Daily Writing went up on October 8th. Officially I topped out at 375 straight days of posting. Not sure how I managed that.
But mostly, I haven't felt the ambition to write. Most of the ideas I've had I decide really weren't that blog-worthy, and for the remainder I haven had little energy to pursue them. I have been too tired to return replies, as my poor record with responses to everyone will indicate. It's because of the "cold black space with the glistening edges"* that has broken open my personal space-time continuum: getting laid off, the subsequent job search and the attendant money crisis created thereby.
This particular black space has not taken complete control of my life, but its presence is sucking up a lot of energy and attention. It makes me tired. I have to crank up the personal PR machine, again, start "rebranding" myself again, and it inflicts upon me great vexation.
I know I am capable, and smart, and good at what I do. I'm also tired of having to explain that over and over. It's draining and does no good for my morale. Fighting for balance and security so frequently, well, that is no way to live a life. I am not really a magician, and my hat may be out of rabbits.
The upside is I have people who love me, who care about me and are helping me in ways practical and spiritual. I truly would not be able to sustain myself without their help. I am grateful for the support, emotionally and otherwise. There are other things I am grateful for, too, including the many readers I have here on Irish Gumbo, and I may write a little more about that stuff later.
For now, I'm going to get some rest, and say thanks to all those who believe in me. Thank you.
*Bonus points and a Gumbo high five if you can tell me the song from which that lyric was taken, and the band.
20 October 2011
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That song would be "Let's take a trip together" By morphine
ReplyDeleteI understand the feelings expressed in this post all too well. For some of the exact same reasons and for a few others reasons as well...it is my experience that resilience gets harder each time it's demanded of us, the repetition of such events get's maddening after awhile. I see no harm in circling the wagons for a short pause...to take care of the necessary and hold back some energy.
I imagine there is more then likely a new endeavour hovering just beyond your sight...with your name on it. Peace and best wishes...
Perhaps it isn't pleasant but you will survive and thrive. Thormoo joins the choir here who believe there is something out there for you...something new and exciting.
ReplyDeleteI believe. Especially in one willing to see beyond the deep black abyss and who is still grateful for the little things while climbing out of the abyss.
ReplyDeleteFor a whole different set of circumstances, I so know what you mean about hard times sucking the creative writer out of you.
I feel your pain. I am in a precarious position at my job right now also.
ReplyDeleteAdd to that the personal goal I embraced just over 4 months ago to post a (mostly) unique each and every day for one year and things get interesting.
I have almost hung up my spurs as it were a number of times in the last couple of weeks, especially since I had yet another life altering event occur.
I have no doubt that both you and I will survive these tests that the power(s) that be have laid before us.
Keep your head up...
Hugs to the Gumbo man. I do believe. If you were a fairy I'd clap my hands AND get everyone I knew to do so as well. Thats how much I believe :)
ReplyDeleteCut the crap and write
ReplyDeleteand if you use refer to yourself as a brand again...Ima hit you with a wet sock.
Full of nickels.
Because I love you.
and if you ever find yourself in NH...I got half of an Almond Joy with your name all over it :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful group of friends you have.Bless you all.
ReplyDeleteOh...and I love me some Rene. . . kickin' your hiney.
ReplyDeleteMichael sent 1 bottle of premium, unspoiled, opulence infused, power overwhelming, vintage, glass of courage to Irish Gumbo.
ReplyDeleteTake a drink and know its gonna get better.
Sometimes the long dark time of the soul can be overwhelming, but be of good cheer, and you will see the bend in the road which will take you back to the path that you need to be on.
ReplyDeletei hear you, brother! *sigh* hang in there (as i know you will) and know that so many are in your corner, sugar! ;) xoxox
ReplyDeleteOh Kevin....I'm just getting caught up. Things have been to crazy around here for me to write or read anything lately. I am so sorry to hear about your job....so so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the not wanting to write or thinking of something and then just not having the energy. Sometimes you just need to sit and let it all sink in, absorb it, and find the determination to fight back. That alone takes tremendous strength which is something I know you have even if you don't believe it just yet.
Find your energy, find your focus and don't look back. The view from the rear mirror is always distorted and distracting. Take care my dear friend. I'm thinking about you and only a few keystrokes away if you ever need to vent.
I hear you, my friend. So many outside distractions make it hard to feel creative and find the words you feel are worth posting to the world about. I have been experiencing something similar. That, and my BF's mom now reads my blog. Holy crap!
ReplyDeleteI know things are going to work out well for you. Many hugs and beer clinks!