Electric Karma Ocean: Message In A Bottle

“Walked out this morning,
don’t believe what I saw
Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Seems I’m not alone at being alone

Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home”
-The Police, ‘Message In A Bottle’

When I took it upon myself to begin blogging Irish Gumbo, I really had no expectations about what I would accomplish. I was unsure of my motivations; I have never been much of an egoist, and my first impression of the blogosphere was that it was all about egos satisfying themselves, an electronic fourth dimension heavily populated with peacocks that could not get enough of their beautiful tail feathers. Or perhaps more like THIS. As with any medium of expression, there was a lot to confirm my first impression. Wasn’t it Theodore Sturgeon who said “Ninety percent of everything is crap”? And while I sense some truth in what Mr. Sturgeon said, I was pleasantly surprised that there was lot of good, even GREAT stuff out there.

But I really questioned myself as to WHY would I want to do this. I spent a lot of time dithering over the course of 2008. I am an expert in dithering, to the point of paralysis. I spent a lot of time lurking on blogs, checking things out, trying to discern the protocols, the social etiquette of conversing without a face to face presence. I told myself I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, I didn’t know what to say, I had no point of view. Well, I knew I had a point of view, I was just very skeptical that anyone would really want to hear about it.

It took a while to get any confidence. It was akin to being at a party where you are familiar with the guests but don’t know them well, and you are dying to join in the conversations. Not easy for me, as I am not exactly a social butterfly. Over the year I could feel the pressure in my head to do something, find some sort of creative outlet before I went bonkers. I have always had a vocal group in my head, and they were getting louder and louder. My personal and professional lives were (and still are) becoming increasingly difficult for me to handle and those pressures were only turning up the heat. Something had to be done, but something was holding me back.

Dad Gone Mad and Redneck Mommy were two of the first and most influential blogs I began following. I’d call them my “gateway blogs”, leading me on to other blogs that got me hooked. Anyone who is a regular reader knows Danny Evans and Tanis to be two of the funniest and most engaging peeps in the blogosphere. They each have a compelling personal back story, some elements of which were in common with my own life. This is, in part, what kept me coming back for more. I began checking in every chance I got, eventually working up the nerve to leave comments. I left a comment one day on a post of Dad Gone Mad’s that dealt with some personal tragedies, and that exchange resulted in Danny sending me a personal response to my e-mail. I was flabbergasted.* I was also inspired. It was at that moment that the voices in my head stopped talking over each other, and spoke directly to me: they said “DO IT”. So it was in October 2008 that I found myself at my desk in the basement, laptop open, and working my way through Google Blogger. I finally made myself toss that bottle into the ocean. On October 5th, I made my first pot of Irish Gumbo.

Fortunately I had been paying attention during my lurking escapades. I saw some names recurring frequently in the comments, and I started following the links backwards to other blogs. I’m glad I did, as the whole experience picked up a whole new depth. It was then I came across the blogs Us and Them, GoodFatherBlog.com, MoMoFali and Two Dogs Running, among others. I began leaving comments on those blogs, and I was very pleased that they responded in kind. Captain Dumbass, Goodfather, MoMo and MamaDawg were the most influential “early adopters” of the Irish Gumbo technology platform. MoMo, Mama Dawg and The Captain were the third, fourth and fifth followers that hopped on the bus (after my Da and My Big Bro); GoodFather was in there soon after. We started showing up on each others’ comments on a regular basis; I was (ahem) checking in at work (breaks, ya know); we started a dialogue. These guys and gals made me laugh and cry and just plain engaged me. I was honored the day Mama Dawg used one of my comments as her ‘Featured Quote’ in the sidebar.** Captain Dumbass and GoodFather also gave me some great feedback and encouragement, along with some early shout-outs on their blogs. It was from them I received my first two awards (and quite manly ones at that!); the net result of this exchange was an increase in my exposure to other, equally wonderful bloggers: Pacing The Panic Room, Waffles Waffles All Day Long, Transition, The Goat and Tater, Henry The Dog Diaries, Idiot’s Stew, Adlibby, Embellished Truth and Polite Fiction…whew, the list was growing and (thankfully) continues to grow***. In parallel, my confidence began to grow. I was “finding my voice” as a writer friend of mine put it.

I was flattered and pleased for sure, but I was in no way getting a big head (it’s big enough already) about the blog. I was trying not to carry any delusions about my skills or talent or personality; I was and still am happy to be able to write what is in my head. So it was with much surprise (and a little shock) that I checked in on Us and Them to find a post entitled ‘He Might Be Late, But He’s Still Santa, Dammit’. In case you haven’t already read it, or haven’t yet visited with the Captain, please click over now and check it out.

(Humming “Captain Kelly’s Kitchen” by Dropkick Murphys”)

Talk about shock and awww!!! My jaw dropped. My mouth was wide open (I mean, more so than usual). I almost couldn’t believe what I reading. He was talking about me? About stuff I wrote? Surely, there must be some kind of mistake. Maybe the fatigue and illnesses in the Dumbass household had taken its toll, cabin fever provoking some delusions or hallucinations. I rubbed my eyes, reread the post, this time reading the comments. Nope, he was talking about me, and the comments confirmed it.

I was stunned. Still am. I find it astonishing that something I created could have that kind of effect on people. As an architect, I have been accustomed to gratification delayed or denied, the months or years of struggle on a project with little or no acknowledgement that you did good. Too often, the feedback was on the order of “Well, it doesn’t suck.” So the high praise that the Captain and all the others (including the Captain’s Mom; how cool is that?) had lavished on my efforts was a tremendous, welcome surprise. It was then that I had my latest epiphany about blogging and why I, and perhaps any of us, put so much effort into it.

Is there ego involved? Sure, we all have egos. It is also no secret that many of us hope to springboard these efforts into something larger if possible; in my case, life changes are compelling me to become a professional writer, and this is an ideal medium to cut my teeth. In that sense, the blogosphere is certainly a force for good.

It is more than that, though. The larger, more important realization that graced my grey matter is this: there are myriad voices in this choir, many wonderful conversations to have, and amazing human beings on the other ends of those fiber optics. Human beings who, in the main, want the same things I do: to be loved, to be heard, to know they are not alone in an often uncaring Universe. To be able to share of themselves and learn from other people.

I don’t really know how to sing, but I am immensely grateful for everyone who invited me into their choirs just the same. Thank you; keep singing!

And a special shout out to Mouthy Irish Woman: Thank you.

*The first time Danny and Tanis left comments on Irish Gumbo, I may have actually gone ‘squeeee!’.
**You’ll have to check her archives for that one :)
***I’ll have to refer you to my sidebar blog roll, “Dinner Party”.