12 January 2009

You Say Your Last Name Isn't Damnit?

Mr. God
Suite #∞
Everywhere, Universe

Dear God/Allah/Yhwh, etc.:

Do you mind if I call you just ‘God’? Seems easier that way, plus it’s all Judeo-Christian and stuff. Yeah, that’ll do, seeing as I have to go with what I know, and what I know is a lot of stuff I have forgotten about being a Christian. Plus, who spells their name without any vowels at all? Huh? Who does that?

Oh. That’s right. You do. Another example of something that is supposed to be deep, but really just doesn’t make sense at all. Jeez, talk about the name fitting the thing being named.

Writing this letter seems nonsensical too, so I guess were even in some way. After all, I don’t believe in You, do I? I don’t think I do. No, I am confused about whether I do. Believe in You, that is. I believe I am writing to You, I can tell because I am hitting the keys right now. Hitting the keys is one if the indisputable facts of my existence. I can hear the clickclickclicketyclick and I can see the words forming on the screen. So there.

I don’t really know why I am writing to you. It isn’t like you have paid attention to me before whenever I have asked you for some of your time or a blessing. I won’t count praying for you to pleasepleasePLEASE get the prettiest girl at Portsmouth Catholic to dance with me, or letting Ravens win the Super Bowl. (For the record, G-money, she DID dance with me. But seven years between Super Bowls? Not cool, dude). Praying for stuff like that now, well, that seems a bit like masturbation: great fun for the person involved but ultimately it doesn’t produce life.

Life. I don’t quite understand it. And the one entity in this effed up multiverse who I thought could help me figure it out doesn’t return my calls. Yeah, You are a busy dude, I know. Don’t you have assistants for this stuff? You are omniscient and omnipotent and you can’t take FIVE minutes and give me a hollaback? My local DMV looks like a textbook on customer service compared to You. People keep telling me to give you a shout out, good things will happen, but even You have to admit, it ain’t looking great.

Either He doesn’t exist, or He is unimaginably cruel” I heard that on a television show, one of those one hour hospital dramas, and it has stuck in my head ever since. I love a good joke, I’m sure you do as well. Knowing that I have heard some of the most profound statements ever from something as mundane as television makes me laugh like a hyena. Funny, yes?

So which is it, Mr. God? Non-existent or unimaginably cruel?

There is no shortage of reasons to believe you don’t exist. All I have to do is read the daily news to see all the misery and carnage going on in the world. And no, you don’t get off the hook by blaming it all on the bloody-mindedness of human beings. If You did create us in Your image (which may have been a huge mistake) and You created all things, then You created evil and pain and war and sickness. You created the Ebola virus, for God’s sa--, for PETE’S sake! What a hoot, dying by having your insides liquefy and shooting out of every orifice. Of course, if You don’t exist, then that just falls under the heading of Random Bad Shit That Happens. There are some advantages for not having You exist, I see. No Judgement Day, no being lorded over by the All-Powerful Father, and a huge laugh when certain religious extremists go to Meet Their Maker only to find the house is empty and nobody was ever home. Exquisite irony, don’t you think? Your nonexistence also confers upon me some security. I no longer have to worry about all the times I took Your name in vain. I no longer have to worry about all those bad things I said about you. Friends and family can sit near me without fear of being caught in the blast radius should finally decide to extract the ol’ Divine Vengeance (‘vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord, blah, yadda, blah..’) on me the blasphemer. Good, no penalties for having called you a liar and a hypocrite and a bastard. I guess that takes the sting out of being told You love me; it was never true because You were never true.

Maybe what really bothers me about Your apparent non-existence is all the wasted energy and effort I put forth in praying to You. All that crying I did. The frantic prayers for help as we drove to the hospital the night my daughter died. The down on my knees, pounding the floor in the NICU hallway BEGGING you to please let my son live when his lungs started to fail. All for nought, as You must know. Led me to believe that all the praying I did, when their Mom was so sick and pre-eclampsic, was just a palliative, that it ended up being dumb luck after all. I could have used all the energy I burned to better keep from losing my shit.

I did lose my shit. You know that, assuming You exist and that You care.

Which brings us to unimaginable cruelty. Oh my G--, I mean, wow look at all the reasons to believe this! You give us brains and heart and feelings and then cancer and war and good people dying of horrible causes, and You expect me to believe in Your infinite goodness? As we used to say back in the day, what kinda bullshit is THAT? Yes, here my Son, take this most precious gift of life…PSYCH! (HaHaHaHa). What is the point of all that? I cannot believe, do not want to believe it was simply to teach me a lesson and make me appreciate the good things that do exist in life. I DO NOT NEED A BRANDING IRON ON THE ASS TO MAKE ME REALIZE THAT FLOWERS ARE BEAUTIFUL. Remember those brains and reason you gave me? Well, I am many things but I am not stupid. Allowing my wife to become dangerously ill, forcing my kids into emergency delivery, letting them live an existence of days only to have them die, and then expecting me to believe it was all part of a PLAN? A PLAN? You sick fuck. The Almighty Father. Pffffttt. If my earthly father had treated me the way You have treated me, I don’t think there is a jury in the world that wouldn’t have convicted him of child abuse and mental cruelty.

I know what You are thinking. Well, I can guess, anyway. A short time later, I was graced with the presence of my Wee Lass. A more beautiful child I have never seen, and that proves God loves me. See, He answered my prayers. Right?

Wrong. A little secret You probably already know: when I found out The Spouse was preggers with Wee Lass, my mind went blank. I kept it that way until the day she was born. I avoided praying, asking for anything, as long as I could because I couldn’t have borne the crushing pain if something had gone wrong. I couldn’t have taken having asked for help a second time only to be denied yet again. I had no energy to put faith in an entity that was just going to severely fuck with my head. In that case, I don’t know if I can give you credit for anything. My little way of sticking my finger in your eye for being so abusive.

Here’s a quote from a famous Italian dude, name of Galileo, perhaps you have heard of him:
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.” Amen to that, brother! (amen. That’s a little sarcastic humor for You. Thought You’d appreciate that). See, the problem is, I have been trying to use my sense, reason and intellect to understand You. But nothing is making all that much sense, no matter how hard I try.

It reminds me of the miniature train set my brother and I had when we were kids. It was one of those little tiny ones. Cool looking engines about the size of a Snickers bar, tiny tracks, the whole bit. I loved watching that train go around the track. Big Bro and I even staged the occasional train wreck with Matchbox cars. Good times. But my big headed self was mighty curious: just how did something so small do what it did? How did it work? I really wanted to know. So one day, I raided Dad’s tool boxes and got a tiny little screwdriver. I sat down and disassembled that miniature engine, one tiny bit at a time. I was fascinated. The screws and wires and gears were so small and compact. Everything fit together and it all worked. I was delighted to see the mystery revealed!

The real problem came when I went to put it back together: I couldn’t do it. In my wonder I hadn’t thought to keep track of all the screws and wires and how they all fit. I ruined that engine. And as you may know, Dad was pretty pissed. Those engines weren’t cheap, and as the old man kept reminding me “Do you think I shit twenty-dollar bills?”. So I learned a valuable lesson.

Life is like that train set to me. Amazing, intricate, complex, beautiful. But unlike life, the train parts were all there in front of me. There really was no mystery, I just failed to keep track of all the parts. You are a different story. Put You together? I don’t even know how to take You apart! Where do I start, where’s my screwdriver?

Ah, enough. I have taken up too much of Your time already. All I can say is this:

I hate You for what happened to us.
I love You because You are the only place I have to turn.

The problem is I don’t know if I believe in You. What am I supposed to do with that?
I look forward to your response.


(So there it is: my 100th post in 100 days. Can you believe it? I can barely get my head around it. I am exhausted. I know the rule of thumb is to do a “100 Things About Me” on this occasion, but anyone who read my post of yesterday will probably understand why I didn’t do it that way. Perhaps later.

I cannot let this pass without mentioning the earthly impetus behind this post. The idea of it has been in my head for a long time, on the order of years. But it took some lovely ladies to kick me in the rear and get the boulder rolling. So I’d like to especially thank
Charmaine (for the gentle encouragement), ChurchPunkMom (for making me really think about it) and Heather (for giving my Cúchulainn plenty of reasons to keep getting in the chariot). What can I say? I am a sucker for pretty Irish lasses. Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart.)


  1. Even through all your pain, do you think you would have made it through without him? Because what would you have if you had no one to pray to or ask for help from? You have suffered great loss and I am not some holier than though bible thumper, but I have seen pain too and I know I couldn't have made it through without God to carry me. I am pretty sure he is carrying you where you should go now.

  2. That's an impressive post to end a 100 day run on (and it's now making me think I should stretch my aim past my second month of daily posts - is the full year a realisitc goal?). Equal parts funny, thoughtful and heartbreaking.

    I'm a fully-fledged atheist myself but that's a belief system as much as anyone elses. It's always interesting to see how other people are trying to make sense of the bigger questions.

  3. Evidence that keeping a blog is often better than therapy. The questions are what keep us going...
    Well done, Gumby. Happy 100th. Looking forward to the next 100.

  4. Sandi: I did have a lot of earthly help in the form of family, some of whom never wavered in their belief. And maybe God did carry me, and continues to carry me where he wants me to go. But the answer to your questions is in the post: I don't know . This is a very difficult thing for me. And please know, the door isn;t shut yet. Thank you for your comment.

    TBF: Thank you! I was hoping it would be, I have been tussling with it for too long. Whew! If I had to predict a full year of posts from the effort on this one, I'd give myself poor odds! Thank you for tuning in.

  5. OAM: Well said! It IS the questions that keep us going. thank you!

  6. Thanks, IG. This hit me in the thinking place today. Usually I am content in my godlessness, having no use for that kind of crushingly pointless-feeling belief. Occasionally I get crushed by followers of Gob, though, and today has been one of those days.

    I think people are the real divinity of existence, and we lift each other up as we can, make symphonies and museums and structure out of the gorgeous chaos we find ourselves in. This post, today? Divine. Thank you. -RF

  7. Breathtaking as always IG!
    Have you ever read "The God Delusion"? It really helped clarify many of the ideas that were swirling around in my head.
    I agree with his conclusion. In my opinion, it's very very unlikely that there is a god.

  8. Can I give you a hug?

    Or, can you give me one?

    I have no words for this post. It's profound and brilliant and heartfelt. Yet, none of those really describe what I feel when I read it.

    Thank you.

  9. I'm in the middle of reading The God Delusion, good book. I've also studied a lot of history. Not on the god side of the fence.

    Dude, nice 100th post. I can't even remember what I did for mine, doubt it was anything special though. Guess I should look at something for my 1000th post since that is a lot closer.

    Maybe I'll just steal yours and reword it. Add a grilled cheese man. Maybe a Star Wars reference...

  10. Wow, makes you think, doesn't it? I do believe in God, but sometimes I feel doubtful, and I don't like being a hypocrite.

    I believe in intentions though, and as long as yours are good, than you should do fine on this earth

  11. That's quite a post, Irish Gumbo.

    I love that quote from Galileo. He was a brilliant, brilliant man.

    Congrats on 100 posts!

  12. IG.
    you know what your best friend
    and G-MA would tell you.
    Don't ever give up on GOD.

    love ya

  13. Dear friend, if I had words that I could use as thread to stitch your wounds.. I'd spill them here like blood on an alter..

    I can most certainly relate to being angry at God. Absolutely. And I don't think that there is anything wrong with being angry at Him. We are human.

    If you'd like to discuss more of my thoughts on the matter, I'd be happy to share. Too many people I know in real life read my blog, so I can't post certain things unless it's anonymously. If you'd like to hear more of my story, just shoot me an email. I'd be happy to share and discuss with you.

  14. Hebrew doesnt have vowels. Hence the YHWH. Judaism is the parent religion of both Christianity and Islam. Ironic isnt it?

  15. Can't think of anything clever to write, but wanted to say hi.

  16. Have you ever read "The Wager"? Its an interesting read I had to write a paper on it for a Philosophy class once, you made me think of that writing.

    As cruel as this sounds I was raised to believe that God does not hear the prayer of the unbeliever. I dont believe it though, but know how hard the concept of 'faith' can be.

    You'll get through this. I wish I was some great religious scholar and could give you the anwsers but damnit I don't. And how much money would I have if I did huh? : )

  17. I laughed. I nodded. I tried to get into my comptuer to drink the pint of Guinness you so kindly left for visitors. And I decided I will return to this blog. Probably often. Sorry.

    Slainte mhath!

    Anna xxx

  18. Hi Irish Gumbo!
    I will be quoting you and linking to you in my post tomorrow! Stay tuned ....!

  19. I reckon that there are things that happen, that are 100% completely and Scientifically impossible to explain.

    But you know, every time you're really down, you know, really deep in the fucking Weeds, folk will sometimes give advice. and they give this Advice a definition. Defining a soulution to a problem makes it an Availability. Gives folk relief, Faith does.

    I'm not in, so much, on the Faith. I like the Science myself. But those unexpalinable thing, those beautiful quirks of rational every-dayness....I like knowing that I don't Know.

    Makes life a Gas.

    It's not all Satin pillows. There is, most ceratainly, going to be the stuff that threatens your very Foundation. But that's part of the beauty that makes all of Us human. And special.

    And why are we Special? Because we are loved by a "god".

    I honestly don't know.

    But I know that I don't know. Ya know?

    Good stuff.


  20. I like your honesty. And I understand your doubts as I have many of the same doubts myself.

  21. i'm honestly afraid to admit that this was the hardest most thought-provoking post i have ever read. and i fear i will go to hell for having it resonate as loudly as it does.
    thank you for writing it.

  22. I hope when you do find God he doesn't slam the door shut while saying, "That's for the public abuse on that 100th post crap, Gumbo..."

    Cos, y'know, who likes to be abused publicly?

    I know we're meant to applaud your honesty and everything, but I can't get past the public abuse thing. Is that how you'd want to be spoken to? That might have something to do with why the r/ship between him and you might be a little damaged...

    Just sayin'....

  23. Wow. That was one brave post friend. I can totally understand the anger (though certainly to a far lesser degree...I cannot imagine the depth of it had I lost even one child) and I applaud you for at least looking it in the face and calling it what it is. Anger. Betrayal. Confusion.

    I went through many of the same steps in my life during periods of loss and came out on the other side. Mainly bc I was afraid my Catholic mother would come back and beat the snot out of me, but whatever. You'll get to where you are supposed to be when you are supposed to get there with your questions. And in the meantime, I for one, think you are brilliant.

  24. Irish, I cannot tell you how many times these same thoughts have run through my mind. "Show me proof!" I would shout, then immediately backtrack in case proof was actually coming. Very well written, I was riveted. Thank you.

  25. Oh, and btw, my 100th post was me bitching about how much I hate people, why are we so mean?

  26. Dear one, this post makes my heart sad for you. What you have gone through is unimaginable. I am not surprised at all by your words to God after all that. I have chosen to believe in God, and I believe there is no way possible that He would slam the door in your face for the raw words you have for Him in this post. I don't believe He works that way.

    If you ever want to talk about what I find to be true about God, I'd be happy to do that.

    Also, if you're looking for an interesting perspective on death from a former atheist, check out A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. I think that's the one, anyway, where he talks about the death of his wife, Joy.

  27. Haven't walked in your shoes, friend. Can't say what I would feel if I had.
    However, I am a believer in my heart of hearts. He's everywhere.
    Peace brother.

  28. Hey, Senor Gumbo.

    You know I'm a believer, though a pretty profane one, but it's okay.

    Dude. I so love this post. I love your honesty. I feel your pain. My heart cries out for you and your losses, I cannot even imagine. I can't even begin to describe how stirred I am.

    Please keep writing. I'll keep reading.

    You rock.

  29. I wish your path had run in a different direction. But if it had, would I have ever read your words? I'm glad you pulled yourself up to where you are. You keep pulling, I'll keep praying. And if ever we meet I promise to leave religion in the other room and we can simply raise a glass together. (clink) To life!

  30. Oh, Mr. IG. I know exactly how this feels. At one of my darkest points I wrote something similar to the universal power(s) that be, and for good measure expressed it out loud, just to make sure we were all on the same page. i was meant with silence. typical.

    i think one of the best things about god is that he (she?) is okay with being a punching bag. they know it sucks and we think they suck too. and they're fine with that. you certainly wouldn't get that reaction from, say, jerry falwell (may his soul rest somewhere that will be no where near me when my soul goes to rest).

    i can't imagine the pain of losing a child...i spent most of my pregnancy trying not to get too attached (just in case). i've finally let myself get attached, and now i can't watch anything on tv where a baby dies--i'm still that terrified. maybe because i've had people die on me, and we didn't even get to say good-bye to each other. stupid, stupid god.

    i'm at a point where i've stopped fighting it--not the day to day stuff (i'm a pathological control freak know it all when it comes to generalities of life); just the general Beingness of being here.

    i will say, though: i'll be pretty ticked off if something happens to my kid. and i think i've pretty much let god know that. he's on permanent notice. in fact, i don't know too many people who don't have god on permanent notice.

    on a lighter note, this one time? i worked with a nigerian man who told me that if you really, really want god to listen to you and answer your prayers, you must wait until it's dark. then turn off all the lights, remove all of your clothes, and beg. "Beg god, Amy," he said, "You must beg god. And he will answer."

    for the record: i have tried this. and i recommend you: (a) never, ever listen to men who from nigeria who smell of garlic and drink tea that tastes like mud because (b) getting naked and begging god doesn't work either--in fact, i think it just makes him laugh his ass off.

    also, i suspect this nigerian man just wanted me to get naked in a dark room. and that's totally weird. i'm really annoyed at myself that i fell for it. kind of like falling for those "i will wire you a million dollars from my nigerian bank account" email schemes, but much kookier.

    damn you, universe! why do you do it to us???

    keep questioning--questions are healthy, and good, and eventually lead us to the answers that work for us.

    amy :-)

  31. A hug to you - happy 100th post. I sometimes share your, "I don't know," and I've been mad at God too, but I choose to believe and so you were making me a little nervous there. You have endured the kind of loss that parents pray will pass them by - my heart goes out to you.

  32. That was quite an essay you've written. Like so many others, I've had my share of angry words for God also. I haven't been to church since my husband left 4 years ago. But I know I still believe, I still pray. And I try to understand why He allowed my marriage to die, but I'm not there yet.
    I hope you get the answers you are seeking. In the meantime, hugs to you and yours for your loss.

  33. I think that its important to ask: What proof do you need? And if a deity gave you proof, would you accept it, recognize it, or would you try to give it back. Go into denial.

    I am not advocating for or against belief. I simply put this out there for you to consider. If you want to.

    Sometimes I think, that when people ask for proof, what they think they want is for some entity to turn the world on its head just for them.

    But then what?

  34. This is a VERY controversial subject Irishman-you! A beautiful post and well written. You are a rare breed. A sensitive Jaguar-thingy.

  35. I don't have anything profound to comment. It's an awe-inspiring essay and not just because of the intended audience.

    You're a brave man to lay yourself out for us - and God, if it's listening. I don't know, but I think your questing is amazing.

  36. WOW! I just found you on Braja's list. Will have to backtrack and read more... I am of irish descent and was raised Catholic (recovering Catholic?) and share much of your wonderings. What an amazing, honest post. Love it - mind if I have a bloggy crush on you? Stop by sometime.

  37. Braja, when someone does something utterly vile and despicable to YOU, do you just suck it up? Would you not have an angry thing or three to say?

    And you think "God" should slam the door in Irish Gumbo's face for "public abuse." If "God" was responsible for the terrible things that has happened to him, that it was just all part of "God's Plan" - you don't view that as "abuse?"

    If that's the kind of "God" you believe in, Braja, I don't WANT to. And I don't.

    "God" is a way for people to deal with things that they can't explain, or are just too painful to bear. An earlier commenter said they believe in "God" because there are things that can't be explained away with science. Well, they can't be YET, but they will be eventually. Do you think we've reached the end of our ability to discover new science?

    Sorry...sore subject with me, which is why I didn't comment earlier. And no, I don't believe in a Supreme Being.

  38. I have way too much to say to fit it into a comment, let me try to exercise some brevity. I would first like to say way to go on 100 posts, ad awesome for not doing a list.

    As you can see by the length of your comments this topic really gets people talking. Good for you for having questions. I believe in God in the sense that so many people in this world put energy into the universe thinking about him and loving him that he is real. He has become a force willed by mankinds need for security and hope. I am not a subscriber to any of these belief systems. I believe in me.

    And the saddest thing I see people do is get thru the darkest places and the toughest times and then give it all away to God.

    anyway, way to go on your 100th post. you have a lot of steam going speaking of trains. Keep it up.

  39. Stopping by from my sis Only a Movie's blog... Loved this post... wishing I hadn't downed a bottle of wine before tackling Religion on my blog...you did a much better job...

  40. Great 100th post Irish. A blogger (thistle) wrote recently that writing the blog helps one take those fleeting thoughts and give them substance, thereby making them real. With the added icing of a community to rally around and discuss your real idea with you.

    On the plus side of the creative universe, your gift for writing :-)

  41. Love to you my friend. Each of us must walk alone through life, even in a crowd.

  42. My brother CDA sent me to your blog, it was an amazing post, as an agnostic I suggest the book "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. Definatly an interesting read! I look forward to reading more of your blogs!

  43. CONGRATULATIONS! on your...

    100th post

    best post

    bravest post

    most honest post

    I am surprised how few comments you got from the god squad, and how many bloggers publicly stated their non-theist beliefs. Perhaps the world is changing for the better.

    I am an Irishman, coming from a country where, until recently, there was a civil war...and each side prayed to their god for help to make them win. Thing is - both sides professed to be Christians, so THEY WERE PRAYING TO THE SAME GOD! The civil war is over, now, and the churches have lost much of their power - a coincidence? Lets get rid of god, all gods, and save thousands of lives every year!

  44. I've felt just like you only couldn't put it into words like this. Having being brought up in a Christian family, I've felt anger, guilt..... all the things you've spoke of. All that changed a few years ago when I knew I couldn't take that way of life any longer. I now embrace the Pantheist way of life and I feel at peace with myself and the Universe at last.

    Sorry I haven't commented on your other posts..... will have to catch up. My computer is away being fixed (hopefully!) and I'm using one at the library just now. This post caught my eye, but looking forward to reading the others when 'puter' comes home. :)

  45. Wow Irish! That was good. Very good.

    I do believe in God, believe that he exists but that doesn't mean I don't go through these same questions myself. We all go through moments of doubt, whether it be self-doubt or god-doubt, ya know?

    I can honestly say that I don't understand why things happen to us that do happen to us. Some happen because of our own decisions, some because of others decisions and some are just unexplainable.

    The 'why' and the not knowing is what really gets to any of us. Regardless of our belief system. And no matter who says they are at peace with themselves, when something happens to them, they question just as easily.

    Your piece today spoke to so many and it will strengthen many as well.

    Again, Thanks for it and congrats on your 100!!

  46. To everyone who heard me hollerin':

    Thank you so much for leaving me your thoughts. All of these comments are greatly appreciated, and have given me tremendous food for thought. My head has been full (as some of you undoubtedly know!) of what I said and what I read, and even if I did not respond to everyone individually, please know that you all have made me think. I like to think. This is helping me answer some questions, because I like answers, too. :)

  47. I'm sorry I don't know all your history Gumbo because I'm a new blogger but I hope, like me, you find peace and contentment.

    Puter's home so I will be reading all your posts I missed. :D

  48. Wow, 100th post, congrats! It's hard to believe in someone like that when you're dealt a shitty hand. I went through a similar range of emotions (entirely different experiences though) and came out the other end not believing. I still don't. I'm the big fat "A" that we don't talk about without offending. I sometimes wish I DID believe since it would make certain things (like seeing lost family members again) easier to bear but I just don't.

  49. I agree with the poster above who said that it's the questions that keep us going.

    About 8 weeks ago PBS's Masterpiece program ran a piece called "God On Trial". It's an expansion of a rumor that some of the detainees at Auschwitz, half of whom were slated to be killed the next day to make room for another boxcar load (and none of them knew who was going to die come morning), held a rabbinical trial. The defendant (or should I say Defendant?), God; the charge, murder and breach of covenant. The testimony of the prosecutor and defense, the questions asked and the answers rebutted--deep and true. Just like yours.

    I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your babies. It must be such a disorienting contradiction, to love your Wee Lass so much, and live in the presence of grief for your older children. How is your wife?

    Thanks for dropping by today. That was really nice.

  50. My first thought...you used the capital letters. Odd bit of respect in a piece of disrespect.

    Second, Braja is brave in what she said...and I admire, if not agree with it.

    Third, you know I'm not sure either. Actually, I believe in a higher power; I just don't know the form and I don't buy the dogma; the theology; the catechism.


"Let your laws come undone
Don't suffer your crimes
Let the love in your heart take control..."

-'The Hair Song', by Black Mountain

Tell me what is in your heart...