6:45 PM, Friday, 5 February 2010 --- Deadline: Snowmageddon.
As I write this, the snow has only fallen in a hint of the White Terror that has been predicted. A hint of upwards of 20, 24 maybe even 30 inches of snow. I am not pleased.
The snow is pretty, and right now it is only fine flakes, drifting gently down to coat the trees and the sidewalk, a fine coating of the 'powdered sugar of the Universe'. Peering from my windows, it is quite lovely, gossamer halos spinning out around the outside lights. The wind isn't high, not yet, so one can almost believe it will leave as quietly as it came. I am even contemplating taking some pictures, experimenting with exposures and tints to try and capture the ethereal 'otherness' that is snowfall. I am almost succeeding at being okay with it all.
Alas, I am not.
I admit, I am a Snow Weenie. This year, anyway. I've lost my stamina and my youthful enthusiasm for a good snow, an inevitable consequence of Growing Up and Being Responsible. This loss does not account for the sheer weight of my ennui, as I would pretend it would. No...the combined stresses and fatigues of this last, tumultuous year of mine have caught up to me. They had been contained behind a thin fence of willpower and concentration on walking the "sunny side of the street". No longer.
The winds this storm upon us now has brought, blow not only around the building in which I reside; they howl across the sere plain that is my interior to lash with full force on that fence I had built. It vibrates and cracks, the slats and posts bending in the onslaught. The sharp twang of broken mesh makes an odd sound of tortured banjos and I watch the fence curl up and blow away. The stresses that had been penned up burst forth, free to roam. They gambol and buck, snorting in my face with whinnies of glee that sound too much like demons to me.
Demons that enjoy the cold, and laugh as they drain the life force from my shivering carcass. The snow...it is kicking my mental ass. Under ordinary circumstances I could laugh and shake it off. Tonight, I am not so sure. I breathe deep, I try...
...I watch Spongebob Squarepants with my daughter, and I focus on her laughter. We make silly faces at each other, and read the dictionary looking for pictures of animals. She snuggels up to me on the couch and tells me she is a puppy...
...and I can begin to let go of the inner grouch, knowing that I truly cannot control the weather. I cannot make it stop snowing, and it is fruitless to waste energy and time on such pursuits. The snow will be what it is, will fall where it may, and this is inescapable. It is also true that I am warm, I am well-fed, and even through the fog of malaise I know that I am loved. It is this realization that becomes the lantern in the window, guiding me home through the snow and mist.
I am still tired. I still curse the bloody weather. Still, I know I can fix that fence. Her laugh tells me so.
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Maybe you should take her out and make snow angels.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little envious of this storm. We haven't had a storm in a few weeks.
Stay warm, Gumby.
Ah, my friend, again you have penned how I feel far more eloquently than I ever could. Malaise and ennui. Yes, yes. More yes. Part of it is simply this time of year for me, though.
ReplyDeleteWe, too, are suffering through Snowmageddon, although it looks like we are only going to have about 18 inches when it's all said and done around 1 p.m. today. Right now we have 15 inches - it is exactly as deep as the dog, who is 15 inches tall. We are looking at another 3 inches before it blows itself out. I, too, am a Snow Weenie, but I was raised in the South so this white, fluffy stuff confounds me.
Keep safe and warm this weekend, Irish. I have absolute confidence that you can mend that fence.
Already about 16 inches here. I like to watch the snow from my daughters 2nd story bedroom window. A comfy chair to sit in, a cup of coffee in my hand, my feet on the window sill, I watch the flakes fall and swirl. The scene in front of me is like being inside one giant snowglobe.
ReplyDeleteStay warm and safe. Make cocoa and think about the amount of snowflakes drifting by. Each one unique, just like us.
The stuck inside with couch cuddles...'tis good.
ReplyDeleteReally, one should not feel melancholy with a snuggle puppy while watching (the weird and slightly terrifying--in a good way) Squidward.
That said, we sure are gettin' a blizzard...it's as high as an elephants eye out there.
Okay, go ahead and give me the knuckle sammy...I deserve it.
I'm off to watch Zombieland...two in the head, my friend, two in the head.
Cut your Tauntaun open and crawl inside, my friend. Obi-wan will tell you when it's all over.
ReplyDelete>>...I cannot make it stop snowing, and it is fruitless to waste energy and time on such pursuits. The snow will be what it is, will fall where it may. <<
ReplyDelete"A few light taps upon the pane made him turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves...His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead."
I'm a snow weenie too. I hate it, but I got to clean up the yard yesterday! That tells you how much snow we HAVENT had here in Colorado. It's just ugly and cold. I posted a few of those pics the other day, just to make my point.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and stay warm!
Far-flung fences aside, this almost has the markings of Irving Berlin.
ReplyDeleteWe got just a bit of it here -- maybe six inches. Which was perfect: not so much you couldn't go out if you wanted/needed to, enough to hunker down and refuse to go anywhere if you didn't choose.
ReplyDeleteAnd under those conditions, I got a shitload done on my book today....
Enjoy the snow with your daughter. She won't be young for long.
Oh that title had me laughing out loud since hubby and I had this 'weenie' conversation earlier, about the dog breed kind...
ReplyDeleteI am freakin' cold Gumbo, and I am never cold like this...seems I turn up the heat and it just stays cold...I vote a bottle of scotch...shots for us all! That should warm the weenies up!