If eyes are windows to the soul, mine seem cracked and dusty.
The view looking out is obscured, and it follows the same would apply to the view looking inward. I cannot prove it, because I cannot look myself in the eye except through mirrors. Mirrors are useful, sometimes, but mirrors are not people. Mirrors can only show you what is on the surface.
Windows allow sight out, light in. The eye does much the same. Eyes do not truly look in on themselves, only the eyes of another make that possible. Thus, the dilemma: if I want someone to look into my eyes to see who I am, I must allow them close enough for unbroken sight. This is an uneasy task. Letting someone that close is letting them close enough to love. Love brings with it strength, and vulnerability.
Vulnerability creates anxiety. Anxiety breeds fear. Fear, as Frank Herbert wrote in Dune, is the mind-killer, the little-death that brings total obliteration. It is just cruel to think obliteration could be the end result of love.
So it is that I must face my fear. I will let it wash over me and through me, just as Herbert's Bene-Gesserit would have me do. I have no choice. I will let others in, I will let others peer through the dust, grime and cracks so that they can see who I must be. I am confident that love will be there, I will have it and because of that, I will not be afraid. I will not be obliterated.
I will lose my fear of love. I will have my window and mirror. I will see out, and in.
Posts
Vulnerability (vul-nu-ru-bil-i-tee)
ReplyDeleteadjective
1) The ability to give.
2) The ability to receive.
I enjoyed this post.
Excellent use of blogging as therapy. Well done, Gumby.
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should book an opticians appointment?
ReplyDelete*chuckle*
Seriously, I know I could do with being more vulnerable.
A little fear is a healthy thing - it keeps you on your toes so you can recognize the real thing when it comes along.
ReplyDeleteJanfromtheSushiBar
Love...it's what's for dinner.
ReplyDeleteFear? It's a four letter f-word...and not the baddass awesome one. Spit in fear's eye. Ptew!
Also, you can be vulnerable, loved and in love and even if it ends, it doesn't have to equate devastation. That is a choice.
'A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it'
- Dogen Zenji
Please know this first: you are lovable. As you are. Right now.
So just enjoy being and loving. If someone doesn't get you, another will.
Be fearless and love-full.
Peace out,
lola
A few days away from words and I come back to this stunning piece of writing...
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant Irish. Letting go, feeling and watching.
I'd be proud of this myself!
A little vulnerability is not a bad thing at all :) Much enjoyed this post, Irish. You're always such a calming breath of fresh air :)
ReplyDeleteReading this makes me feel like leaping for joy! IG, I'm such a fan, gosh darn it!
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't help but wonder if cupid has been sprinkling his love dust in your general direction... hope so.
I agree about letting the feelings, even the bad ones, flow through me. Most of my fears are ungrounded anyway.
ReplyDeleteA little fear is a healthy thing.
ReplyDeleteReading the comments, and observing throughout my life, I notice that the female of the species seems more willing to embrace the vulnerability than the male.
ReplyDeleteAnd we're supposed to be the brave ones...
See, when I let somebody get that close to my eyes, they're bound to start watering -- my eyes, that is. I just can't do it. I want to yell, "Get back, give me space!" But that's just where I'm at these days. Maybe a little gunshy. You too?
ReplyDeleteI've been there. It's scary learning to trust and to be open again. It took me years and years after my first marriage ended. Luckily, I found someone patient and kind. Someone very patient.
ReplyDeleteAnd now? The only fear I have about letting people get close to me is the fact that they might see that one stray hair on my chin.
Ahhh ... my eyes are the windows to my soul. Truly!!! Don't believe me? Come a little closer ... see ... clear blue like a lake ... a pretty lake, not a murky, crazy 'murder by lake murder' lake. Inside ... you can see my soul ... like a little goldfish swimming around, or maybe a mermaid. Yup ... that's it ... a little mermaid!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
I swear ... I wasn't drunk when I thought that bit up.
ReplyDelete